Category Archives: Emotional Rescue

Less is less & maybe that’s ok

Life can be beautifully simple

Less isn’t more; it’s really less. A friend and I were chatting and I commented that less is not more. He applauded stating he was so grateful I stated that truth. What people really mean when they comment that less is more is that the eye can only see so much at one time. In the world of design, we can fool the eye to believing a space is more expansive than it is, draw the eye up or down, all based upon colours, shots of material and decor. Things too busy can become dizzying to look at. In our old Edwardian, we had many sitting rooms and loads of tchotchkes. In our new home, which is a modern, all the stuff had to be paired down significantly or eradicated prior to moving because it was not right for the new place. It wasn’t meshing well with the new us. We wanted a pad all one level so all the pets and family could be all on one floor. Pairing things down meant more space between stuff, giving the eye a rest. Having space make things easier to clean as well. And as you build up your interior with decor pieces, you find the truly great items really stand out when they have some room to say something. Less is more.

I’ll be 59 this year. Creating some space, making things easier to clean and not having to do a bee dance or agility course to get from one room of the house to another, make sense…makes peace.

Then I was laid off suddenly. Here’s the thing with the whole less is more bit….When you feel wealthy, feel at least comfortable, there’s food on the table, good food, and fluffy pillows on your nice sofa, you have a bit of discretionary income for the things, yoga class, pottery, the housekeeper, chef school, that you really want to include into your lifestyle, then it gets easier to spout on about how less is more. When you feel needy, feel like you may not get all that you want, is when the tendency is to fill your surroundings with more stuff.

My knee-jerk reaction to suddenly having my contract terminated was to get re-employed corporately swiftly as possible with an offer my Contractor brought to me the same day I was let go. That work, sadly, didn’t materialize and then I spiraled. I’m not used to marketing myself or being out of a job. I am used to being in the top 10% at whatever company I work for at whatever job I do. I excel at working with people and love to help solve problems. If only I could get my arse into a new job. I began having nightmares about this job loss and between the overly long hours at a company I worked at for 28 years and this latest that actually forgot to tell me when I was laid off so I continued working at a job I no longer had, I decided perhaps I am done with corporate work. I had just traded in my paid for car so I had a car payment. After a couple of months where I didn’t see a new job on the horizon, I cashed that car in at the dealership. Not having a car in Dallas is not an easy thing at all.

I’d love to segue into this blog, helping folks detox their daily lives, get them using the amazing organic products and help a few animals each week with my massage therapy practice and call it my new life. I don’t require 10k/mo but 5k would be nice. Building this business has taken a lot of time and expense to get up and going. I went from 10k/mo to my $576.00 pension and whatever I sell. So it is with my new situation that I have begun to think about frugality and how less isn’t more at all, it’s freaking less for pete’s sake! But having less may not necessarily be a bad thing. It’s our nature to assume whatever is happening currently, for better or worse, is the way of it. If you’re up high on life right now, the feeling is that this will never end. This high will always be. Conversely, if you’re doubled over in agony, having a pity party on the epic scale, it, too seems to be far more permanent than it actually is as life’s magic twists and turns leaving tendrils of joy, pain, loss, hope, attainment and finally transcendence.

There can also be too much clutter in our heads, in our thoughts. As we clutter our lives with spent magazines, empty cups and too much of even the very nicest of things, we can overfill our heads where there isn’t space or room to quietly contemplate.

Lives and situations change. Also what we can label good or bad really are just experiences and how we choose to classify them. Things are not always as they appear. It is important to be grateful and see all the blessings around you, even in the face of adversity. Whether you are downsizing on purpose or a decision was made for you, take a look around and see where you can scale back so that
as you build up your interior fortitude, with careful meditation on your next steps, you’ll find the truly great ideas really stand out when they have some room to say something. Less is more.

Diluting Your Message – Why You Do What You Do

I’m a plant-based lifestyle coach and my focus is on helping people detox. I took my studies with Hippocrates Health Institute so my guidance is based upon that as a cornerstone. Heading into veganism I was way out of my element at first. But I had already detoxed my makeup bag, personal care and home care 2 decades ago so that bit was easy. What wasn’t, was trying to educate others about these toxic dangers and also provide them fully researched clean, potent and pure options. Now that I was a coach, I wanted to incorporate a holistic practice that wasn’t just about food but the overall lifestyle which is also what Hippocrates and I agree adamantly on. In researching products I could promote with clients, I became a Brand Partner for what I believe to be the top 3 certified organic companies that offer partnerships or affiliations and downstream business opportunities for me and my clients who are also passionate about health and the planet and animals. A friend suggested that by scattering myself between these 3 organizations, I am diluting my message. I don’t see it that way. I see it as providing clean options to my clients and staying fresh and unbiased. Rather than align with and be wholly loyal to one company, I don’t believe any one company can do everything, so I am loyal to my brand, to PureTemple and what she represents. But this comment stuck with me so I wanted to put it out here.

Most of us must work for a living and it can be tricky to align our goals, ethics and monetary needs to the need for monetary sustainment. This blog is about the whole body, holistic wellness so if your spirit isn’t right, that throws the entire system out of whack. Whether the role you do today is temporary or a more permanent one, or in my case where I thought Sprint was temporary back in the early ’80s but ended up working 28 years there, what spirit we take into our day truly matters because not everything is as it seems. Even temporary place holders can be magical places to be.

Honoring wherever you are by acceptance and a willingness to learn is key to moving onward. My husband is in management. Folks these days don’t even give notice when they decide to stop working there, they just no call, no show. I would never dare be that disrespectful because I would prefer to pay goodness forward and never be saddled with the negative karma of purposeful rudeness and lack of empathy. I have seen some weird stuff in my time and you just never know who you will eventually cross paths with so some proactive diligence and attention are very important. Taking the high road leads to peace.

Wherever you are, what you are doing shouldn’t only be a paycheck, it should in some way align with your morals. If you’re vegan, adore animals but work in a slaughterhouse, that is going to be a rough sell, wearing you down and out. Hardening yourself to the truth will also wear you down and out. A friend of mine believes in reincarnation where we get new bodies and try this earthly stuff all over again, after having made plans and agreements ahead of time that we work out on this plane of existence in as many new bodies as it takes. If we get it right, we move onward and upward. If we don’t, we are right back to square. The buddha teaches that this life is pain. When you think about it, that is true. No matter what greatness you achieve in this life, no matter what joys, eventually you are smacked hard with pain. It is a part of this world. I was taught the pain of this world is due to the fall of man. But while some rest upon that and tend to cause more pains than necessary, I actively pursue avoiding unnecessary pain both for myself and others by trying hard to be proactive and diligent in my care. While we will not completely know the truth of spiritual matters on this plane, we can see good and evil at play, we can dial into our moral compass which is God-given and understand that on some level what we do matters as our actions ripple out into the universe of things.

I have gradually learned that it is only with an open mind, that I am able to add to my body of knowledge. When I think I know all the truth of a topic, that is when I let go of opportunity to be better enlightened.

Never lose sight of the opportunity to learn. A couple of decades ago, I left Sprint to work for one of its’ (and my) customers, LabCorp where, as a telecom manager, I was privy to the workings and failings of my old competition. I got to see first hand how ATT, MCI and other smaller players dropped the ball hard while Sprint had a real team behind its clients. After a couple of years, I returned to Sprint and commented that where I once saw our foibles, how we perhaps lost an account to our competition, I now saw, and from a clients perspective, how much we brought to the table.

I adore the saying where you stand depends upon where you sit as it is so true. This is why we all need to sometimes shift positions. It is exactly for this reason that I have shifted careers and am loyal to myself, to my agenda rather than one company or product.

What is your agenda? Other than getting paid, do you love helping people, calming tense situations or making folks laugh? Whatever you do, find some joy and your superpower in it. Coming from my typically long hours as a Project Manager over Implementations, I get that most folks don’t have the time, inclination or energy to double check themselves at every purchase, read every label and be equipped with the knowledge to actually understand what that label is telling them. People are still buying deodorants with aluminum, still getting toxic toothpaste from their dentist, buying toxic laundry soaps and house cleaners and wearing unnatural petrochemical clothing. The average person applies/ingests 200 chemicals by 9am just in getting ready for their day. My agenda is changing all that because I lost my entire immediate family to cancer. Enough with this darkness, let’s get out into the light and make things better! What, deep down, is your leading agenda and how do you incorporate that goal into every day living for yourself?

Who are you loyal to? Nix the Myopia. What and whom are you loyal to and why? You should be able to clearly define your answer and it should be deeper than earning a paycheck. Loyalty is a good thing, and I am saddened to see loyalty crash and burn in Corporate America these days as employees are tossed aside like empty take out cartons. Loyalty should not be misplaced. People get misled and companies can change direction. Remain aware of where your fielty lies. I see misplaced loyalty all the time over money. Most folks believe what they are sold/told and either don’t understand or have the time to take the deeper dive into what it is they are really selling. I was a Brand Partner with a company whom I was told was all natural and chemical free. I know my upline really wanted to believe the lies, however, I began ordering their products because I could not get a full disclosure on ingredients otherwise. With the products came full disclosure on all ingredients and much of it was toxic, full of chemicals and synthetics. I raised the flag and heard crickets not action. No shock no outrage no ‘Yes, I see that now, let me look because I want to help my people live truly cleaner lives.’ With whatever you do for work, try to keep an open mind and do your research rather than sell something less than which slowly erodes your soul.

Be Loyal to You. Here’s the problem; People put all their energy into one place, and can lose sight of themselves, their reason for being there. At the end of the day you have yourself and what you have done. I was taught not to put all my eggs into one basket as a child. And this made a whole lotta sense to me. Sure, you don’t want to get too scattered, but you do want to create new opportunities for growth and minimize your downstream risks. I work in Multi-Level Marketing. When one of my MLMs turned out to be not so natural, I immediately stopped promoting all but 2 decent products. And there went that revenue I was building. But I am loyal to an end goal of detoxing peoples lives so I must honor that. This is what I mean by being loyal to you, to what guides you and never compromise this. Never be comfortable just because you are earning money. End of Last May, I was earning 10k a month in the corporate sector. It was great. I was working an 8 hour day after over 17 years of thousands of non-paid overtime hours that affected my health so I was absolutely in heaven, loved learning something new, helping people, having my time back and earning a fair paycheck. Layoffs were not discussed. Even worse, I was not even told when my job ended because folks forgot to tell me I was laid off. I came to work the next day and started working at a job I no longer had. I mattered that bloody much. I had just bought a new car with a hefty car payment and begun a to the studs master bathroom remodel. Had there been even a whisper of contractors being laid off potentially these are two things I would NOT have started as I moved into a new year at this company and thought I had at least a 2-year contract. Within the week of my sudden departure one of my friendly co-workers read the signs and booty scooted too! She got the upper hand jump and with her mad skills got employed swiftlyhat and elsewhere. Sure, you may have a primary basket, but don’t put all of your eggs there. Build up other baskets, safety nets, revenue streams. I see with folks that people feel committed to remaining in something because it is familiar, they have built a team camaraderie, they are earning comfortably. But few companies are loyal these days to anything but their bottom line. They no longer even pretend to care about you. Ps, you were laid off yesterday, pack your shit up.

Why the tendency to keep all our eggs into one basket? If you really love the team you work with, you can always invite them into your new gig. The band can get back together again. If it doesn’t, then a higher purpose is being served so don’t worry about it. Keep yourself focused on what truly matters for your plan. Don’t be afraid to go off grid, off-roading. The worst that can happen is you will learn what works, what doesn’t and something about yourself you didn’t know before.

Nix DEBT and leave your stones behind. We all have bills but I want to caution about cash flow because not living your financial life in balance can mean an ethics slip or just flat working someplace you really would rather not just to pay the man. A friend going through a rough time a couple of years ago was really struggling with big decisions during a divorce. She was taking a very high road. I admired the path she was attempting, the elevation was very high so I applauded this, however, I myself would have definitely been throwing down some boulders along that high path of hers and stated as much. Well, I am very good sometimes at telling people what to do, not that they ever listen, but I do try. And sometimes I should simply shut up. My friend was stressed. She needed to vent not be told what to do, she was a full on adult capable of making her own smart decisions. I suddenly had the right thing to say to her and I have kept this question alive ever since because it applies to so much that we ever go through. When contemplating decisions, ask yourself ‘If I do that, will it bring me ultimately closer or farther away from peace?’ We can get edgy and jumpy and just want to think about right now, this moment, that shiny car or cute kitten but this question is a keeper. It keeps me focused on what truly matters and it will help you too. As we create ripples with every action we take, isn’t a focus on what brings us the greatest ultimate peace a great way to look outside ourselves and any immediate agenda into selflessness, into deeper matters?

What’s your slogan? Whether you work for yourself or a company, you are also a brand. How you engage with others every day helps create that brand, the brand of YOU! At Sprint I worked with a great manager, Scott Willis, who was responsible for giving me the opportunity to be an IPM. His slogan was ‘Where there’s a Willis, there’s a way.’ He lived up to that slogan. I want to make money but I never want that to become the main driver for why I do this work. I also want to spark others to question their motivations behind doing what they do as well so I created a slogan last year: If what you do for a living pollutes the earth, harms animals or people, then it’s not worth the effort or any amount of paper.’ This is on the signature line of all my emails. It helps me focus on how I can take my knowledge and apply that in the best service of my clients. It helps me to remain honest with my intentions and ever be humble I am able to do this work. As I build the brand, my brand, PureTemple, dedicated to learning and sharing ways to save our planet and detox our daily lives. I hold my goals in focus, progressively pursuing enlightened living. As you hone and manage your personal slogan, know that nothing is ever static. All of us are changing, evolving. Who you are today is not who you were yesterday. We learn from yesterday simply to inform a better future. Be blessed. ♥

Spun Out, Stressed Out?

It’s a common occurrence in our too fast-paced lives that most of us lead, to feel a bit edgy or ‘stressy‘ on occasion. But when you find yourself feeling this way daily and perhaps without even knowing why can be diet or nutrition related.  Lifestyle is so important.  How we live, combined with how we take care of ourselves adds up to a longer life with more vitality in it. 

Firstly, no matter how cleanly you eat, we all need some kind of supplementation.  Since 85% of the supplements out to market are bad and bad for you, it’s important to read labels, align yourself with folks you trust (me) listen to your body, honor your feelings and give yourself the necessary support.  Not doing so ages you faster as it reduces your current life quality.

I have a very enlightened MIL (Mother In Law).  My SIL (Sister In Law) is pretty groovy too.  Visiting my MIL a few months back, she was very on edge and commented that she didn’t really know why, was just chalking it up to age. I asked her if she was perhaps taking any magnesium because she was upset, felt very on edge and yet there wasn’t a logical cause to her upset.  I began talking about Natural Vitality Calm and ran down to the guest room to get her one.  Turns out she was familiar with them, had taken them in the past and just, like I think we all do, got off track, forgot about them and found herself in need, out of balance.   Sort of like that Snickers commercial where you aren’t feeling like yourself?  But rather than reach for sugar, which is ultimately very bad for you, supplement with vitality. This powder, which comes in a jar and on the go packets, works great.  Magnesium is important for supporting calcium in the body.  Great for sleep or relaxation, it can be the ally you need when working on a stressful project, or perhaps if you don’t have an enlightened MIL.  🙂  Healthy levels of Magnesium support your immune system and bones as well as blood pressure and sugar levels.

You can be low on Magnesium because of strenuous work out, stress, taking cortisone (please avoid, this is NOT a good thing to do for your body go get acupuncture instead) too much calcium (which can also cause stones) as well as GI disorders.  This brand is cruelty-free, Vegan, Organic, All Natural, Non-GMO, and Gluten Free.


Another great support system to implement into your lifestyle is superfoods.  I market 2 kinds; one that has seaweed/algae and one that doesn’t. I have a couple of clients who don’t want to do sea veggies so both are great options for resilient health.

Now, I get folks who tell me they are just looking for a green drink, something to alkalize.  But I believe in the trifecta approach to wellness because when the body is fed, the mind is eased and we are less stressed more balanced. 

This pack, Miessence Vitality Pack!, Provides you with a full on 30-day support system. When purchased as a pack, the cost is reduced plus you can get up to a 40% discount based upon your spend so there’s always an opportunity to save.  I like to mix the trio into a smoothie on smoothie days. To warm up, I enjoy mixing the Red into a delicious vegan hot cocoa with water, a bit of stevia and nut milk.  All can go well into a juice or water.  The Deep Greens is delicious mixed in with dressing for salad.
The combined alkalizing, probiotic, and antioxidant nutrients in the Vitality Pack are a concentrated source of super nutrition that offer major benefits to your entire body.  80% of our immunity is in our gut.  And if our gut isn’t right, our mood is not going to be either. 
In-Liven – Contains 26 naturally fermented organic whole foods to help recolonize the gut with beneficial bacteria. Fermented foods are one of the keys to longevity.
Berry Radical – anti-aging from the inside! Our skin is the outer layer which should always be protected. Adding a chemical free moisturizer is a great way to shield against free-radical damage and pollution.  But this gives you beautiful skin from the inside! The antioxidant equivalent of over 8 servings of fruits and veggies in one delicious beverage.
DeepGreen – balance your body pH with a super-concentrated source of alkalizing, mineral-rich, green algae, grass juices and leafy greens.   Minerals are so important and most folks are deficient in them.  As we age or over whiten our teeth, we can have issues where the teeth crumble and weaken.  This is why.

Essante offers land based superfoods for anyone who is sensitive to water veggies. Both Earth Greens and the fruity Super Reds are a 3 month supply and 5.5 lbs. of organic, whole food nutrition per serving!  There’s also a daily digestive and patented probiotic.

I am also a HUGE fan of yoga.  Yoga is one exercise that is truly a practice that marries the mind, the spirit and the body for a very calming introspective work out as you take a spiritual journey too. 

FULL DISCLOSURE: As a Plant-based coach, passionate about saving the planet, saving the animals and saving us,  I have aligned myself with Amazon because they sell most anything.  I think you can buy a soul on Amazon, really.  So this way I can provide you easy links to get more information or purchase if you like.  I am also a brand partner for eco-friendly, carbon Neutral organic products that I use myself. I fully vet everything I discuss to bring us all closer to limiting toxins in our environment and aiding our bodies in their attempts to daily detox and release the body burden we all have.

I welcome comments!  If you have found something that helped you out, kindly share my blog and report back to help others. 


The Quiet Worker – Getting Recognition For Your Zen


The quiet worker – My next article is going to be about raising awareness about what you bring to the table. Because I typically work quietly, I have seen over the years that what I actually have contributed has gone completely unnoticed. Ages ago, when asking for a better raise, my manager, who I thought knew me well, knew my value, had not one clue. She gave me a smile and a pat me on the knee and explained that once I had a few escalations successfully dealt with under my belt, and become more seasoned, (I had been there 7+ years) that she’d give me that raise then. At the time I supported large accounts like Huges Aircraft and Taco Bell. And somehow she thought there was never discord? Ha! Of course there was. So I smiled and patted her knee as I explained to her that dear lord YES, there have been numerous escalations, several upsets a week in fact. The difference is that I know how to handle my people. You see, when I do my job well, it means nobody above me ever has to lift a finger which reduces the costs of doing the business.’ BOOM! 
There need not be histrionics that upset your co-workers (Sure, let me cancel MY lunch plans to help YOU do Your Job) or some other less than professional missive that insults your coworker and just makes everybody feel negative but definitely raise some noise. And always remember in the process, blowing out someone else’s candle won’t make yours burn any brighter.

Trolls: Are You a Troll?

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Trolls. They’re everyplace. And while the term was coined from internet and social media posts, you’ll find trolls in your general daily life, from standing in line at the supermarket to the office cubicle nearest you. And on some days….yes, you could be the troll.  Blowing out someone else’s candle won’t make yours glow any brighter. What’s your motivation today?  I try hard to ask myself this whenever I feel less than balanced.  I try to breath and ask myself what I am trying to accomplish here as I type or speak.  On the Vegan 101 Page (great page btw) I encountered a troll. It’s the holidays and bound to happen. While some folks are pleased with all the happenings of a new year, some aren’t. And rather than be an adult the unhappy, the less than settled,  make the choice to share their turmoil and create drama and confusion.
Someone posted about it being ‘time to detox.’ What’s the best juicer asked someone else and I posted my article on Juicers. This turned into idiocy from one individual who essentially told me I should be ashamed for selling my quackery.  But while I DO market organic superfoods and Skincare, this post was not mine and was not anything I was selling.  I was singled out somehow for commenting on the post.  The individual had posted with a picture of green juices simply stating it was time to cleanse.  Not sure if they were selling these juices or simply stating they were getting ready to juice themselves!  So I took my leave after commenting that daily detoxing is very important.

In my corporate job, at my signature line, I asked ‘Is it kind? Is it helpful? Is it necessary? Faced daily with long hours, high heated emotions and hundreds of emails, I thought posing these questions helped temper everyone in stressful situations and mitigate unnecessary actions thus saving time and making work smoother. It was a reminder of what really matters at the end of the day.
As we move into the new year how can we maintain focus on what really matters? Can we be mindful of times we all look for ways we ignite a fire when water is needed, stomp out someone’s fire when heat is needed, or otherwise produce chaos when we could be adding unity and check our motivation for doing this? Are we feeling insecure, alone, jealous or just enjoying schadenfreude?
As an activist, I sign hundreds of petitions annually, injustices range from the Asian cat and dog meat trade to saving the whales, our oceans, eradicating the factory farm cruelties and sharing the important knowledge about what is really going on.  And there is always someone that jumps on a dog and cat meat post demanding human rights or what about dairy cruelty and is it alright to save the Asian cats and dogs but not pigs and cows.  These folks are trolls.  They jump onto a topic, snuff out the candle of the posters original intent, muck things up, accuse the poster of eating animals, call into question the organization itself (are they a real organization or a sham) then leave feeling vindicated as if they somehow really caused some good here.   
We’re human, we stumble. But who has the time for ongoing toxicity? Where’s the joy in creating slander and cruelty? Only the imbalanced feels joy causing discord. And you cannot reason with imbalance. Let it go. As we move into the new year, look at your relationships, even those in your FB friend groups and ask yourself if they belong in your life? Do you feel supported, uplifted by most of what they say or judged and deflated? In short is what they say kind, helpful or necessary?
There’s always going to be the troll that wants to roll around and cover the facts with mud-uneducated to the truth of things, unwilling to learn with an egoist view of already knowing all. These are the folks who talk over you, don’t read what you’ve actually said and think you’re the one full of bull hockey. 
When you already know everything learning ceases. These folks just want to get you muddy, they aren’t there to be helpful and they aren’t there to be educated. They are not there to be helped or healed. Let it go. The teacher will arrive when the student is ready.
Let go of those who waste your time and mood and seek out those who uplift. You teach others how you wish to be treated by what you allow. Let go of what no longer serves your highest good and embrace positive change. Life is short. Trolls need not apply. Happy New Year!?

Here For The Beer?

Friends and family are so important, provided these relationships are healthy ones. These relationships help us feel bolstered, supported, less alone and enrich our lives in so many ways.   As people couple up, they tend to spend far less time with friends.  Add kids into the mix and you can feel even more estranged.  While coupling and having life sort of take over and back-seat your friends is part of the nature of things, it is also something we must be mindful of by working to carve out time for our near and dear.  Maintaining friendships and healthy relationships helps our self-esteem and keeps us balanced too.  Whether that’s a monthly friend lunch or beers after work or what have you, it is important to maintain your healthy friendships.  Healthy friendships are a necessity.  But what about codependent and abusive relationships?  They can be subtle like a light breeze through a doorway or a full-on hurricane. We all need a shoulder from time to time or a shared belly laugh.  We are driven to socialize and feel communion.  But co-dependent abusive relationships are not worth time or effort. The best way to spot them is by asking yourself how you feel after an exchange with the individual. Are they so wrapped up in themselves they forget plans with you or never bother to ask how you are doing because it’s all about them?

My mother came from an abusive background and it turns out we had a very codependent relationship.  And this book by Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, set me free of that.  It also ended a codependent relationship I was in with a man that exactly mirrored how my mother treated me.  For the very first time, I could see how I had played the victim and been manipulated and I could read it in 5 minutes in somebody else.  Healthy relationships always give and take and the relationships are not about getting something from you but looking out for your best interests.  Do you look out for your own best interests?

Some folks in your life, no matter how superficial or how deeply entrenched they appear to be, are just there for the beer.  And Facebook has made this far worse.  Yes, FB is great for those out of town friends and ex-colleagues to catch up with that you otherwise wouldn’t or only do so very sporadically, but FB has also taken place of actually seeing people!  If you have a car and live in the same city, you should connect physically periodically and talk live, do lunch, have a glass of wine together and catch up, have real conversations that you really cannot have on FB because on Facebook, it seems that most people get on there to hear happiness and flowers. There is only a very short attention span for any real dramas.  Most aren’t on there for serious issues and private messaging is cumbersome and wordy at best. The same thing applies to Facebook that applies with emails.  Much can be lost in the translation.  The bottom line is that anyone that lives in your city that’s also on FB should be able to see you a few times a year, and physically visit or it really isn’t much of a real friendship, is it because much of FB is fake.  Fake news!  It’s called gas and a car key if the friendship really means anything at all. With that, I want to talk about self-sabotage.

Most of us create some kind of self-sabotage from time to time, whether it’s losing it with a coworker, deliberately stretching your personal finances too tightly, dating a loser or listening too intently to the wrong people. The GREAT news is that each day provides us with abundance and opportunities to co-create change. As we end this year, think about ways of being that no longer serve your highest good. Are you trusting people that always let you down? Working at a job that perhaps pays well but drains your soul? Living someplace that depresses you rather than uplifts? Keeping what’s in your best interest at arm’s length rather than embracing joy? Stuck in a rut? Feeling conflicted? My neighbor Dennis commented that he often feels misled because he assumes the way he cares for others means he gets that level of care back and that’s not always so. I’m generally an open book but one of my adult tastes of such was when I had two family members with an emotional breakdown and nobody to talk to. I reached out and was simply told ‘We don’t do well with mental illness topics.’ That couple immediately went to the balcony of our lives rather than a seat in the front row where I had thought they were well placed. I was wrong. Guard your heart and test friendships mettle. You can do this while still being open and compassionate but also judicious. Coupled with self-sabotage comes the blinders we also wear. What patterns happen for you? Are all your friendships on FB or do you have real ones?  Are those relationships truly supporting or downers? Do you find yourself always giving, such as supporting a friends shop by buying stuff but not getting any ROI?  Do you have a habit of overcommitting, promising and not delivering or is someone in your life doing this to you?  Do you keep forgetting plans or have someone who consistently forgets you?
I was laid off and had sold my car so that I would not have a car payment while being unemployed.  A friend who is well off offered to give me a good working vehicle he wasn’t using and, as he put it, didn’t want to bother taking it to Carmax to sell.  He said ‘It’s yours’ and that he would bring it by that week.  I followed up with him about the car, 4 times asking if he was serious and each time he said yes.  I am still not over the fact that on FB he told everyone he had given me a car yet the reality is I am still on foot.   I cannot tell you why anyone would promise something and not deliver but I can assure you that this behavior is absolutely toxic.  I didn’t ask him for anything, he just knew my situation and made a great and grand gesture.  I actually cried tears of joy.  I had bought cars for other people and never once have I had someone buy me a car in my 58 years.  How karmically sweet to finally be gifted in this manner!  And then it never materialized. 

Surround yourself with people who mean what they say and follow through on promises.  Honor the good people in your life by following suit.  Don’t wait for the car to show up!  Or any other empty promise! Move on!  And please respect yourself enough to never make empty offerings and end relations with those in your life who do.  When you find yourself in repeated codependent relationships, know that while you can absolutely change this by removing those blinders, it also requires some diligence, particularly in the beginning as you are learning about the old patterns, how to spot and stop them while learning new and healthy ways of being.  So in addition to the book above, I also highly recommend this daily meditation which has always seemed perfect for the day, whatever page I open it to.  Melody Beattie The Language Of Letting Go


Some people are just here for the beer.  They are there because something better has not yet come up so they are hanging out with you temporarily.  They may like your beer and may enjoy your company when it suits them but they are not filled with compassion and loyalty towards you personally when help and friendship is really needed.   

Do the same stories keep coming up in your life? If so, and you don’t like the story, change it! Where you see repeated abusive relationships or financial constraints or any other negatory pattern, there’s a spot to start working on. Honor yourself by acknowledging the needed nudge. We all have our personal pet bitches and gripes and crap that happens. As long as you’re seeking ways to minimize drama in your life ( and also drama for those around you) and working to create goodness, you’re on the right path. When you begin to see things frazzle and fray, it’s time to pour a cup of tea and reassess. This life is short. This year nearly a wrap. Live your best life in 2019.

Vegan Death Threats & Conflicting Thoughts

As a vegan, I have a few conflicting thoughts on a few things. I know veganism gets VERY political. Someone wished me, my pets, my entire family to die of cancer and my business to fail over a discussion about cashew cheese the individual (and later all her Facebook Friends)  misunderstood as dairy. I will be 58 in November. I had never before encountered that much hate and by a fellow vegan and I was just starting this journey. To my knowledge, nobody on earth before had wished me and my entire clan dead by slow acting cancer. This was in late 2016 and I still carry all that hatred. I feel sorry for any vegetarian that crosses her path.  I wonder about some person who decides to help animals and the planet and their own health by cutting out meat. And then they get an earful of hate from this ‘lady’.  Boom, they are back to eating meat and whatever else, screw it!  I want nothing to do with the crazy people, right?  This is exactly how I was feeling at any rate.  The person spewed so many insults I had to block FB and shut down. And then I just wanted to spite eat meat and cheese.  This movement is never about one individual, but about the end goals.  When we get so angry at a person we don’t even know because they had a bite of something, and we make the adult decision to act out that rage, then we become accountable for that ripple effect.

We must come to this table with logic not just ‘I love animals.’  I have clients who still eat meat, greatly reduced, but still, it is a part of their life. I must acknowledge it may always be so as I suggest healthier and kinder ways.  In short, if my job is to help spread the reasons to go vegan (health, planet and animal kindness) then I must place myself in some trenches to do this work. My husband is an omnivore by choice and he loves his local honey. On this plane of existence, none of us are perfect and there will be a compromise at some juncture in everyone’s life. Thankfully I had great training at Hippocrates and this greatly helped when encountering the death threats, the unrelenting hate and refusal to acknowledge logic. I endeavor to read labels, do and know my research, think before speaking and act in compassion. This would be compassion for human animals as well as the rest of them we share the planet with. We are overrun as a species, so I made the choice not to bear children. This also saves the planet.  Hippocrates Health Institute trained on the avoidance of all sugar. Eggs contain a protein our bodies do not process well. We were also instructed to avoid any processed foods, bread, alcohol, caffeine and do good food combining and aim for 80%+ raw food.

While many of us espouse an all or nothing approach, and that is absolutely fine, it is compassionate to realize not all of us will be 100% all in.  I want also to reach these people.  If I can get a daily meat eater to go all organic, to know the farm where the meat comes from, reduce his dependence upon fast food and consider some vegan or vegetarian meals with no meat at all, that is progress.  When a client has a kindness meal, then more, then an entire day of kindness, then several, I consider this a win.  This individual has grown in awareness, has developed a foothold on the logic that his current way of eating is not planet sustainable, isn’t healthy long-term and is cruel to the fellow souls he is ingesting and is incorporating change.  I have not totally turned him off and alienated him with judgment.  I share facts and options, with the compassion I was never offered when discussing cashew cheeses.

Veganism is a passionate endeavor but we all must realize that the individuals who come to this lifestyle do so for various reasons.  Some are focused just on animals while others want to save the planet and still others are riddled with Chronic disease and want to reverse those ills, lower their blood pressure and risk of diabetes or more stints in their arteries and live resiliently.  For me it’s about all 3. What the evil vegan wishing me and mine dead didn’t know is that I had already lost my entire family to cancer and yes, the slow way.  Breast for my mother, bone for one brother, Prostate for another, colon for a cousin and breast for an aunt and kidney for my father.  Two of these people died within 12 months of each other right on the heels of me losing my job of 26 years.  It was after losing my employment that I took a year of studies with Hippocrates.

When working with a client, I follow the Hippocrates guidelines and then tweak that towards what my client is willing to do.  I am there to help and education and coach.  I make a lousy judge, I am imperfect myself.

Recently a company I rep for discussed a body butter that had beeswax in it. I was adoring this product and now realize it isn’t vegan. This term can mean many things but essentially espouses to act daily with the purpose and intention of causing no harm to animals, from what we eat, drink, sleep on, wear, use or ride. But veganism also delves into what can be considered exploitation. This issue can get very tricky.  

Exploitation is wrong and all of us encounter it by our fellow humans, such as at work. Big corporations, such as those who sell honey to Costco, kill the bees in the process of stealing the honey.   Below is a great article on honey bees.  I have always espoused supporting local beekeepers because they truly care about the bees and as bees are in decline, somebody should be supporting these folks. Our neighbors are the Zip Code Honey people and run the Texas Honeybee Guild. They take very good care of their bees and while I don’t eat honey, my husband does and buys from them. BlendItUp Bee Free Honey makes a great substitute.   

Exploitation can be so many things.  One is eggs.  I am actually happy to see more families raising hens in their backyard and I once had a harem of hens myself.  I took great care of them and learned so much having them.  I was told growing up that chickens were stupid.  Nope, not at all true.  So if you have hens, are feeding them organic feed, augmenting with calcium and allowing them to live out their days in enjoyment and love even when they stop producing eggs for you, I am not sure that I have a right to complain about that.  One of my vegan friends will on very rare occasions, once a year perhaps,  enjoy such an egg.  I would far better prefer to see this than my neighbors buying eggs from hens that suffered at the hands of factory farming methods.  I know from raising my own, the hens were happy and were not, as someone insisted they were, ‘forced’ to produce eggs.  As a vegan, I no longer raise them but have compassion for those that make this choice.

What about horseback riding?  Or vegetarianism? There’s so much backlash with the vegan society towards vegetarians when in reality, they are making a huge dent in the cruelty and planet sustainability.  True, there is a big difference between being vegan and being vegetarian but can we not be a bit more kind? People change given the right support and motivation.  I have known several vegetarians go vegan.  And meat eaters go vegan on a weekly basis across the planet.  Is the horse being exploited if he is well cared for and loves being ridden?  My horse loving friend, Laura, told me the story of how her horse Dovey spawned Little Dove, who actually never went through any coaching or training to be ridden.  No, she just lined up at the post and waited for her bit and saddle and off she trotted with her tribe, not one buck.  Wherever human animals and the rest of them cross paths, animals are and should be a partnership with us; an acknowledgment of respect and kindness.  We learn from them and they from us.

I use the term human animals because I believe so much of the time we humans forget we are just mammals.  Sure, biblically we were called to watch over them and wow we are doing an abysmal job for the most part now,  but this really doesn’t make us ‘better’.  What it makes us is an animal having an assigned task directed by our maker that we are epically failing at, in spite of every advantage to do the job with aplomb.  Am I exploiting my dog expecting him to guard my home?  It’s his job and it goes with his natural instincts but would this be an exploitation?  I also adore him, keep him company and we go for walks and play together.  He is living a great life and eating homemade meals with every need catered to. What is exploitation?

Expand the mind – If our ways were that of the 50’s or 60’s, from the way we cared for our livestock and also the amounts ingested on an annual basis, I don’t believe our vegan movement would be so passionate or so large looming.  There would be far less of us.  This cause exists and is growing because our lives, as a species, are out of balance with nature.  We have allowed cruelty, conceit, greed, and arrogance to rule us rather than compassion and wisdom. Wisdom sits at the seat of compassion. Nothing else matters without it. So when I hear someone say they cannot condone horseback riding that a fellow vegan does with their horse because that is exploitation or goes on the attack with local beekeepers, my heart aches.  We have far larger tofu fish to fry, with the big corporations that are the cause of at least 95% of the pain rather than fight amongst ourselves or nitpick everything in a less than educational loving way.  In a world where nothing will ever be 100% vegan, let’s focus on bringing awareness with kindness and celebrating the wins.   I used to joke that where it says in the bible the meek shall inherit the earth, that we would end up overrun by cockroaches.  Could it possibly be that the meek discussed would be us human animals becoming more like gentle lambs, not eating each other literally, emotionally or spiritually?

Https://grist.org/food/when-i-eat-honey-do-i-hurt-bees/

Plan B How To Achieve When Life Throws Curveballs

A thing we each commonly share is that sooner or later, life will throw you a curveball you were not expecting.  Whether it’s the yacht or Jaguar needing maintenance,  the inner tube requiring a patch and Pacer engine exploding, or job or relationship loss, stuff will happen that we are in some way not fully and on all levels prepared for.

A friend was sharing his disbelief in how so many of us have day jobs, working for the man rather than for oneself, building up our own business.  I added my 2 cents which were promptly deleted on his post.  But I understand exactly why the majority of us work for the man.  I also totally get why many of us dream of being more in control by owning our own gig and I would love someone to join me and help me share the cool products I represent (see below).

For 26 years I worked at Sprint and made decent money the last decade of it.  Then I was laid off and went to work for ATT as a contractor and making similar money in contracting that paid $45.00 an hour starting out.  This was fantastic, I was working from home which is something I had been doing and wanted to continue doing, I was no longer salary and that meant far better control over my hours and scope of responsibility.  Earning $1800.00 a week and NOT working a minute over 8 hours each day was golden for me.  I actually did put in a few extra hours but that was my choice and I was free to make that up during the week by cutting out early when able to do so. I was not so overloaded as I was 95% of the time at Sprint, so I really had what everybody talks about when they spout on about a work and life balance.  I had that FINALLY!  I was learning something new and just loved my job. I loved my work at Sprint too, just not the long hours I typically put in and at no additional pay.   After months of being new and acclimating, I finally fit into the pecking order.  The team was cohesive except for one guy who was a rat and a troublemaker.  This little dude was on me from day one so I suppose he is pleased as Hawaiian punch right now as they kept him on the project and I was one of the laid-off people.

While working, I continued writing this blog, writing product reviews and answering plant-based lifestyle questions, sharing knowledge from my Hippocrates Health Institute training and selling organic skin, body and home care products as an independent representative of 3 great companies.

I love helping people and sharing why they should go organic, doing facials or helping them with a green detox or supplement but 3 years in, I pay a lot more to keep this blog going and my Independent Rep status,  than what I get paid.  Frankly, I am at a loss as to how I can earn $1800 a week take home pay doing my own gig.  So, yes,  Randy my friend,  I do understand your frustration as well as why folks have their day job, putting so much into that work that sometimes it squeezes out everything else.  Because life happens.  And as a business owner, an entrepreneur, I completely get how freaking hard this is to pull off.  In part, this is because I don’t just follow the money.  No, I fully research and vet what I am suggesting folks buy.  I read the ingredients and assure that there are no toxic substances in the label.  I will only talk about and recommend what I have already vetted as safe.  I price check to see what product between the 3 lines may be cheaper or better for you.  Then I talk about it.  I am not pushy and therefore I have few paying customers and give a lot of free advice out.  This would be why I really miss my day job but also brings us back to why having a plan b and preferably a plan c as well, is critical in life.

You can be filled with all the knowledge and enthusiasm in the world and still be sitting staring at a dwindling bank account.  You may take exquisite care of your vehicle but take it someplace and they put in a part you never needed and you cannot prove that they just took $1600.00 of your money that was utterly unnecessary.    You can never go back to a place that screwed you and you can get another job if you get laid off but it is the in-between, the plan b, that will keep you afloat and calmer when the feces hits the fan.

Back up plans are not always ideal, which is why they are back up and not primary plans.  First, you must exercise a level of control and realize that less can be more.  You compete with yourself and your highest good, not the Jones’s next door.   My neighbor sort of hoards stuff.  He gets most of it for free or really cheap.  But his garage is packed to the gills with stuff he doesn’t use or need.  Learn to let it go.  I just sold my car.  I had 2 and one paid off.  I kept the one paid off.  We have more space now and no car payment.  So whatever your current financial situation, a backup plan is respect and love for yourself. It is also respect and love for your family.

Steps to Creating a Backup Plan:
HELOCs – If you own a home where you have any equity at all, consider getting a HELOC, which is a Home Equity Line Of Credit that you never need to use but just have available in case of emergency.   Unlike a mortgage, in most states, there are no fees for this type of loan other than the interest carried on any balance.

At various times, I have used my HELOC to pay off a primary mortgage, a vehicle, to remodel that home as well as to remodel another home.

When using a HELOC or any other kind of loan system, this is not going to be ideal.  Of course, you can write off the interest on a HELOC at tax time but it is still money lost.  Use with discretion, and don’t be the one making the minimum interest-only payments or you will never get ahead or get the loan paid off.  I make double payments, at least, every month.  My goal is to get the loan totally paid off but also in doubling up on my payments each month, this creates more bandwidth in case I ever must tap into the loan again.

CREDIT – Don’t carry credit card debt.  Pay the balance in full each and every month which will save you money as well as help motivate you to dial it down if you are spending above your means.  If you currently have credit card debt, pay the higher interest rate first and get that knocked out.  Then go to the next highest rate card and so on.  You also want to pay your smallest balance first, depending upon how long that will take you and what the interest rate is that they are charging you in order to create cash flow.  Cash flow is king.  It helps create plan Bs.

Look for 0% interest when you get into a bind and need to extend something out.  We recently had a remodel that ended up being more and then more yet.  I swung some of the fixtures onto a zero for 6 months loan rather than having to pay in full when the bill came in.  At the time, I did not know I was getting laid off so I am very glad now that I planned ahead, just in case.

Savings – When working I loved to move my direct deposit into various accounts so some would be for immediate spending while others were dovetailed for savings.  Having this done automatically helps because even the best of intentions can get derailed otherwise.  Pretend it isn’t there and shortly you will have a nice little nest egg.

Respect For What You Have – Keep your things in good condition so if you tire of them or need to sell things off, they are ready for the next buyer.  From my homes to my cars, everything is in tip-top shape and maintained that way.  This means far less drama when it is time to sell something off.  Recently I sold the Jaguar.  To get it ready for sale simply meant a hose and soap.  It has recently been waxed and the interior leather treated so easy peasy.  My 24-year-old car would need a wax.  That’s it.  Both homes are market ready with the landscape on a regular maintenance schedule.  We rent out the one place but if we were ever in need of selling, it’s ready to go in a nice paying it forward way too (don’t ever forget about Karma).

Keep Your Resume Updated – Don’t ever assume you are safe.  Getting laid off came suddenly and shockingly.  We all tend to stack rank ourselves and I knew I was doing well and was not the troublemaker on the team so it came as a surprise when it happened to me.  Networking and keeping up with connections and a fresh resume takes the edge off.

Learn  New Skills – Look at emerging fields and at other ways you can apply the talents you currently have in a new way.  I’m a project manager, great at the minutia of where all the widgets currently are and where they need to be while making it look easy in front of a customer. These are valuable skills I can apply to anything from a construction or remodel project to implementing an API.  But I also adore animals and recently went through some heavy stuff with our resident Doberman and am currently studying CMT, Canine Massage Therapy to be an animal bodyworker. Like acupuncture, it is an emerging field for our fur kids and I will be one of the few in Dallas doing this a few weeks from now when I am certified.

Consider Blogging – You can become an Amazon Affiliate Marketer or write about your particular passion and gain a following.  For interested parties, check out my Getting Started page.  Just know that blogging takes time and patience to grow a business.  There are so many great niche markets out there to explore.

The Products I directly sell:

Essante –   Organic and Plant-Based Line Coconut water-based

Miessence –  Organic and Plant-Based Line that is Aloe Vera Based

Where I took my life changing training – https://op.hippocratesinst.org/moreinfo/static/34   For the free syllabus Online Life Transformation!

 

 

Health & Getting Religion

My last studies were taken at Hippocrates Health Institute.  (Link to their free syllabus below).  It was a very educational year and turned my life around really.

So I had an opportunity to share with others what I have learned by way of getting Brian Clement, from Hippocrates, to speak here in Dallas.  I was offered the opportunity to put an engagement together and I can only hope that I get that chance again in the future.  The time I had to make that happen was short.  I would have to move swiftly!  As this blog doesn’t pay a salary just yet, I have gone back to full-time work, had family coming to town, busy life etc, I had exactly one place I thought would be perfect; the Seventh Day Adventist Church I pass on my way to work each day.  Feeling like kismet, holding fond memories of being SDA, I reached out.  I reached out again and again before getting an answer. Slam Dunk Nope Nada!  And I had thought, as they are old testament in their food and beverage choices, promoting a vegetarian if not vegan diet, that this would dovetail very nicely with whatever Brian had to say as guest speaker.  These were spiritual minded people who are already being educated on the best way to eat and now they can learn even more, perhaps even invite friends who may not be as religious but learn something healthful.

This blog is secular and Hippocrates is not a religion but a place to heal and learn healthy eating and to educate you as to how your dietary and lifestyle choices affect the earth and all who populate it.   While spiritual matters were lightly discussed in the sense that we should have and hold to our spiritual beliefs, they significantly help us achieve a happy and abundant life, religion perse was not discussed.

It is with an open mind that we come to the table and learn, grow and maybe change our direction.  I had this conversation with a colleague at work because this really upset me.  I felt entirely responsible for losing this opportunity.  What had I said that was so bad?  If these folks are so serious, where on earth do they shop?  Is not the grocery store secular?  Where on earth do these fine SDA parishioners shop at for their plant-based diets, or wherever they may buy their tires, their clothing, their homes or dine out?  What TV do they watch, what speakers?  How on earth is all of this controlled? Is Amazon Christian?  What about each shop on Amazon?  Is Kroger god-fearing and if so, what religion?  What about each and every employee?  What would the world be like if only someone who appeared to think, believe, feel and act exactly like you, got the free pass, got to speak on a topic they were expert in, got your patronage, got hired at work? How then would you spread your message of light?  I want to place special emphasis here on the word ‘appeared’ because what appears is not always so.

I had hoped to pass out information and samples of organic skincare.  I had hoped to hear Brian speak.   I am not a speaker, no I hide behind a keyboard.  But I did want to be there to take it all in and learn more and help others learn about some fantastic organic products.
I was really excited to have this opportunity given to me.  To say this was a complete kick in the teeth being shunned as I was,  is just understating the devastation I felt.

In the transaction, I lost all interest in trying this church.  I took this as a message to stop seeking out church as it solidified why I don’t go anymore.  I have left due to hypocrisy before and just flat misunderstandings of the word, of me, or what God wants.

I am not saying here for you to leave your church.  If you seek and find comfort there, edification, sanctification, then by all means go.  What I do know is this:  The laws of God are written in our hearts.  We already know right from wrong.  Daily we make the choices that lead us forward or backwards.   Judgement trumps compassion and we are called to compassion, to learn to love more fully and to accept.  We are not here to judge, we do not excel at it, that is God’s providence.

We must all be mindful of becoming narrow-minded, egoist,  short-sighted because when we are, be become a detrimental stumbling block to others.

No matter who is invited to speak, that individual is human.  They  may or may not believe exactly as you do.  The person in the pew next to you probably doesn’t believe exactly as you do.   There are imposters everywhere, well-meaning or ill-meaning folks at various levels,  backsliders and folks who just go because their spouse does or it’s good for the kids, or to meet people.  In every church I have attended, there are folks that completely stick on something and go out into left field with that. This is human nature and you don’t escape that in church.  You cannot, on this earthly plane, create Utopia, it ain’t here!  No, your parishioners are confronted with real life all day and all life long.

The last time I left a church was Mount Zion. I was new here and didn’t know of an SDA church so I settled based on a recommendation.  It was a lovely delightful church, non-denominational, and the preacher had two young and great kids and he also worked as a vet, a very kind compassionate man.  It was a small congregation and I knew the family very well.  His kids would often sit next to me.  I worked then as a DJ for KZEW (13 years the home of Rock and Roll).  I was Nicki Clark on air.  Great good times and I adore great music.  Being passionate about music, I also very much believe ‘Garbage in, garbage out’ and strictly monitor my music collection.  I did not buy or play anything that espoused a life that conflicted with my morals which were Christian based, simply because this is how I was raised.   I had numerous discussion on the topic, maintaining it was never about the beat but the lyrics that mattered. Lyrics have always mattered to me.  So after being cajoled and having this discussion repeatedly, the preacher preached…in the pulpit…at me….about rock and roll one day and basically that I was in the wrong job.  I wasn’t.  I was exactly where I needed to be.  He could not see this.  He was a diehard Lawrence Welk fan and I can appreciate that, however, there is nothing wrong with rock and roll, or disco, or any of it, provided you are listening to something that uplifts, edifies, is moral.  And so, I left that church.   I find God in nature, in food, in great architecture, in books, music, really he is hard to miss!

Part of your overall health is acknowledging that you are body, mind and spirit.  Yoga does this and is why Yoga is so healthful.  It is one of the few excercise regimens that works on you holistically.   You are encouraged to seek out your spiritual path but I am old enough now to recognize that I no longer possess all the right answers.  I am just a girl writing a secular plant-based lifestyle blog.  I am here to help with any product or plant-based questions you have.  For spiritual matters, seek out God.  🙂

http://puretemple.org/ This is my blog Health, Planet Sustainability and Vegan Diet – where you can find info on anything from foods, recipes,  a toxin-free sofa to dog food.

www.bioceutica.com/puretemple  Great skin and body care that is science-based with no toxins

www.EssanteOrganics.com/Puretemple  Organic and Plant-Based Line Coconut water-based

http://www.miessence.com/puretemple/en/category/1/skincare Organic and Plant-Based Line that is Aloe Vera Based

https://op.hippocratesinst.org/moreinfo/static/34   For the free syllabus Online Life Transformation!

 

Sticks & Stones – Kindness

 

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words may also hurt me.  Most everyone has an abuse story and the problem spans the socio-economic stratosphere.  I grew up upper middle class.  We bought cars and houses and boats without loans. Now with two mortgages and a car payment, I am still in awe of this.  We had good clothes, a fine home, yummy home-cooked meals and loved each other.  This is me, my mother Frances and my brother Carl enjoying brunch at my home.

My mother was sick.  She was bi-polar and never got the help she desperately needed. As my late brother Carl put it, she was full of high demands and my brother John talked about how self-indulgent she was.  She poisoned everybody close to her, losing long-term friends who got too close to the flame.  I was adopted when my two brothers were about 12 years old, after wanting and trying for a girl baby and ending up with two adorable boys.  My two brothers and later me, all rode the roller coaster of her moods and insane put-downs and punishments. When she was upbeat, she was high on a cloud of joy, full of humour and charm and would sweep you up and along to enjoy the view from high above.  When she was up we went shopping for clothes.  Shopping was mothers happy place.  That and eating.  When she was up, things were very good.  When she was down, she was taking you by the arm and dragging you through the hellfire with her.  One thing wrong, or even perceived as wrong, and I went to school with purple, orange and red buttocks and hamstrings and a few times with her handprint across my face.  As horrifically as her hands and fists and belts could be, her words were far worse.  She deliberately kept me off keel, never knowing if I was pretty, smart, funny, nothing was ever solidly communicated because what she felt about me, and any ability I may have had changed on a minute by minute basis.  Straight answers to my questions never came forth.  The only message that I was completely and consistently told, however, was that whatever it was I wanted to do, sing, dance, play the piano, gymnastics, track, cheerleading, there was, to be quite sure, someone a lot better than me at it.  And this message is absorbed into my core being today.
What someone thinks of you can matter as much as they mean to you.  A stranger gruffly telling you to bugger off may hurt you or just blow on by depending upon the mood you happen to be in as well as your particular personality.  Someone you rely upon and deeply admire or love saying something hurtful, however,  can be an icepick through the heart no matter how stout you are emotionally.

The story growing up as a young teen (between 12-18) was that I was a handful.  In reality, all I wanted was peace.  I did no drugs, no sex, no teen pregnancies, straight-A student, physically fit, pretty and my room was always spotless. I respected my elders very much but to my mind, mother was a handful and I was so tired of it.  I couldn’t keep dates.  Guys were flat scared off by my mother.  Relationships typically ended by the 3rd date. You could set a clock. They all said the same thing.  One break up ensued after a classic chase down of the car as we sped away on our date.  My guy stared in shock into his rearview mirror and exclaimed ‘Is that your mother chasing our car?’  Embarrassing.  I knew we’d have dinner and then that would be it for us.  On a humorous note, when I married Michael, he explained to his family that I was not blood-related, having been adopted, so, therefore, did not have the ‘crazy’ gene.  Anyone meeting my mother for the first time, was schooled on this in advance in hopes they just might stick around long enough I could see whether we were a good fit or not.
One particular late afternoon, just ahead of dinner, mother was off the rails when father came home.  Dad was typically kind and balanced, metering out his few punishments with solid judgement.

I was blamed for her upset that day as she spewed venom about my severe disobedience and how she could no longer handle me so she was demanding that my father DO SOMETHING!   I found myself in the kitchen, ostensibly to help set the table as mother had asked and was immediately yanked up by my hair and swung around the room like a lasso all over the kitchen.  I hit walls, I hit the floor, I hung mid-air for minutes at a time as my father glared at me and held me a foot or so off the ground by my ponytail with one arm.  I remember the look on mothers’ face as I finally let go a urine stream in sheer fright.  Only then did she realize what her words caused, but still couldn’t see the benefit to getting some help!  I am surprised that most of my roots held up to all of that. This hair-raising incident happened exactly twice.  Years of mothers tirades had finally broken my dad down.  I could not WAIT to get out of that house! No, there is no excuse for what he did to me but the point is that we all can instigate with our words.   Words create or destroy. And the more we love the ones who harm us, the more soul-wrecking the abuse actually is.  Nobody discussed the elephant in the room after those two incidents with my dad and other than those two episodes, he was a great solid guy and the one I confided in because mother was bats and I needed help coping.  He would tell me how she did this similar behaviour to the boys but never as badly as she treated me.  He had no answer to make it stop.  When I was about 14, things were so rough. Every day I awoke and put on waterproof mascara because I knew at some point that day, mother would make me cry.  She would twist my words, make things up, accuse me of things I never did and mete out punishment accordingly. I could not even escape into a nice teen conversation with a friend, she would scream that I was talking about her.   Once when I was on the phone chatting,  she came to my room demanding I stop talking about her (I wasn’t) and proceeded to mangle my hamburger then my fries, with her hands, making them inedible for me.  I threw my milkshake at her.  Yes, I was the bad child.  But it was worth going hungry to take a small stand.  It was during that year I went to school and finally talked to someone about my home situation.  I asked if I could be placed in a new home just to finish out school because this was all too emotionally toiling for me.  I had contemplated suicide. When we all sat together at the school with my dad, he was devastated.  I really did not mean this as a personal affront to him or her, I just wanted to finish school and gain some peace.  With him so visibly upset, I caved and remained at the house.  Mother railed about divorcing him, she wasn’t happy.  She was never happy.  And shortly thereafter, dad was diagnosed with Cancer.   She stayed and took care of him. Being a homemaker all this time, she ended up getting a job at a hospital when my dad could no longer run his service station.  He died as I turned 18.

What happens in childhood never stays in childhood.  What happens in the office never stays just in the office. This crap follows you throughout your life.  Each of us is here for reasons that only we can fulfil and that only we can fulfil in our particular way.  Each of us is a unique creation.  We must be careful with our words because once uttered, they simply cannot ever be taken back.  Thoughts are energy and words are the form of them.  Have you ever thought about someone and then they called?  Thoughts are serious business.  Words can be so empowering or a waste of breath or just utterly slay someone.  Your karma.

I deal with my abuse daily.  I work through it, building myself up as I have been trained to do.  Forgiveness, and people, we must forgive, is of course possible.  Forgetting that the cruelties ever happened is not likely.  Mitigating the damage from them is ongoing.

I share my story here, and for the very first time, in hopes of helping anyone suffering from abuse.  It is never your fault, no matter how much of a ‘handful’ you may be.  But do seek help to salve your emotional wounds and become whole because the world needs you to fulfil your purposes as only you can and you must be well and happy to do that.  Also, it’s ok to love the toxic person in your life, but whether your toxic person is family or a friend, it is completely up to you, once grown and in control, whether you allow the abusive person to continue to play a role in your life and exactly how much of a role they have.  My mother died at 86 just 3 years ago.  We took many breaks from each other because of her toxicity.  From marking my wine bottles, accusing me of being gay when I have dinner with girlfriends, creating 11th-hour emergencies for me to fix, to ostracize my new would be husband, it was so much turmoil in my life.  And I could not fix her.  I got her books, I tried.  I want to point out here that I am not slamming anybody who may be gay. The point here is that I am not and my mother knew this, she was just making up cruel stories to cause harm and stress.  I am not an abuser of alcohol either, but she again made up stories.  Mother was a pot stirrer.  If she loved you, she wasn’t happy until you were miserable. I really wanted to break free but she was my mother.  As I put it to friends, if she were anybody else, she’d be flat gone out of my life.  How do I exit my own mother?  I loved her and just wanted her happy.  Only once she was close to dying did I realize happy would never ever happen here for her.  At one point she got some counselling which honestly helped…until she declared herself well and cured and stopped working at this.  I tried to explain to her that with such long-standing abuse from her family and what she continued with her children, it was actually going to be a lifelong and ongoing healing process for her that benefited not just her but was also such a huge help to anyone around her.  She didn’t believe me.  I tried explaining how she was ruinous to her own and other peoples lives with this behaviour, how I loved her but could no longer tolerate the bad behaviour.  But it was everybody else’s fault, every pain she felt, not once and not ever was it her fault.   People around me used to call her evil.  Frances was never evil.  She adopted me with full intentions of doing things better.  She taught me to be and was always kind to animals.  I came to the house completely fearful of animals,  even cats. I was fearful of everything and everyone. I had no trust, having been bounced around from home to home before I was even 3.   I believe she deeply loved her children.  She was just so damaged that she could not get out from under it. For 40 years I begged her to get help.   Now she is at peace.  She was very kind to me as she was dying and I am so thankful that I could be there and also that nothing ugly came out that I would take with me to my grave.  She was kind, called me beautiful and told me what a lovely daughter I had been.  I made the choice at 4 years of age not to ever have human children of my own.  I did not want to pass down this legacy of pain.  At one point I felt healed enough to adopt a child as I had been thankfully adopted, but it just wasn’t something my husband wanted to do when I broached the topic.   I do very well, however, with our animal children.  I have mostly handled and supported them in a balanced and loving way.  I have always worked on my temper because my mother never did.  I saw the great harm a bad temper caused.  It is all about control.  One should strive for control over ones’ self, to express in productive, honest ways, both for your own and others sake. We can all run the gamut emotionally but I always ask myself if something is worth going to battle and how far I believe I should take that battle and if I do that, what will it do, how will it help the other person, the situation or myself.  I breathe.  I do daily mediations and yoga and I tend to be a positive person naturally but I work to remain upbeat.  Mostly when people afflict you, it’s about them and not you.

Reach Out In Kindness.  You don’t always know how folks in your circle, in your office have really grown up, how their spouse may be or what exactly they are going through.  I am a huge advocate for being kind.  People who are toxic can be removed from your life or in the case of a working relationship, remain cordial but remove yourself gracefully wherever you are able to do so without it looking obvious. Fight the urge to be cruel back to someone mean to you because they may be afflicted like my mother was and truly need help.  And as personal as some comments seem to be which are made, try to see beyond them, much as you can, to the person and the moment in which they were spoken.
Take Ownership Of Yourself – I like to say that mother was a lesson in what not to do in life.  I have pretty much taken all the negative skills she taught me, like how to ridicule,  play the victim, how to slay someone with two words, how to manipulate someone into giving you what you desire and turned it all upside down.  What you say and how you say it may affect people around you, so be mindful of your tone and words. Apologize when you mess this up.  I try very hard not to take out a bad day on others.  Sometimes that means I hole up alone, but typically it just means calming myself down and being in a place where I can discuss it rationally with a friend or my husband and respect others enough not to be sharp with them when they didn’t cause my bad day.  My mother got into this thing of routinely badgering the check out people at the grocery store or pharmacy.  It was embarrassing.  I would be mouthing ‘I am so sorry’ as Frances would be just completely going off on some poor person just trying to help.  Very rarely was the check out person the actual cause of her frustration.  A grand lesson in what not to do.

Know your personal triggers so that you can try to remain calm and support yourself.  For example, for me, being adopted and abused, being told my entire life I never measured up to the expectations my mother had of me, my trigger is abandonment and not ever measuring up.  After being at Sprint 26 years I felt fairly confident that after that length of time, it wasn’t personal when I got laid off.  But at my new job,  I am always feeling like the other shoe is gonna drop any minute.   I have these self-talks, sort of like Stuart Smalley looking in the mirror saying I am good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it people like me.  I work to diversify my income stream by doing this blog, selling organic and plant-based skin and body care products, and renting a place.   But it’s whatever gets you through the day, that doesn’t cause harm to someone else.  We are all here to help ourselves and others along the path.  Cruelty is never a part of helping.

It’s Totally On You To Heal – This may sting a bit, but whatever hell you have gone through personally, all of the ownership for moving on and letting go of it falls squarely upon your shoulders regardless of what wrong was done you by whom or how long.  Get free of it and sort yourself out.  Don’t be like my mother and let abuse ruin your entire existence on this plane and damage others in the process.  Life is short so get out, get happy and enjoy it.

For your reading pleasure, I have included helpful books, just click on the titles to do your Amazon shopping.

Helpful books: 

The Book Of Joy by Dalai Lama

Boundaries by Adelyn Birch

Out Of The Fog by Dana Morningstar

Will I Ever Be Good Enough by Dr. Karyl McBride